I think my vagina is haunted
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
