farters have to be the big spoon...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
