I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
