Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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