How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
