I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
