My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
