He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
