STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
