if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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