your thong is hanging out like whoa
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
