My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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