I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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