OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
