I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
