I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
