It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
