I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Im part way to drunk.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
