Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
