awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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