i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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