i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
