You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
