Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
