Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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