Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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