paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
