I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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