I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
