I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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