im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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