Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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