I'm gonna have a badass scar
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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