My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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