Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
