Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
