we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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