my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
