physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
