His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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