It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
