Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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