i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
