I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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