I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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