Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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