just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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