It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
