Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
