Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
