Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You have to summon your inner elephant
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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