He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
