I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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