i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
