You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
