already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
