It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
