I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
