i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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