Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
