So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
