if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He passed out mid-signature
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
