When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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