OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
