Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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