we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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