I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
