insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
