Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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