she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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