Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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