Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
