you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
