On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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