she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
3 2 1 whiskey
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
