4 words: hood of his car
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
