so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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