I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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