I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
