can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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